guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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