idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
