why didn't you poke me back
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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