I'd wear matching sweaters with you
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
you didnt know i had herpes?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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