I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
