He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
