Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
