he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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