textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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