All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
