I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
This is my gift to your gina
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
