I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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