Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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