I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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