Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
