Midget sex pt 2 tonight
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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