Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
