Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Randomize
