I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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