Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
