just come out here and I will go home with you...
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
