My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
