If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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