Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
