Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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