can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
So many bounce houses so little time
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
