I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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