hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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