roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Randomize
