none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
just tell him i said nine months
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
