Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
