your room smells of hookers.
And success
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
