what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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