i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
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