The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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