Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
you didnt know i had herpes?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
