Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
