we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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