I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
