i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
