i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
