Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
