Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
In other news, I just burned my penis
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
