just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
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