I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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