He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
