why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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