I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
