It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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