I can't watch pbs sober anymore
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
