We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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