my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
